The Value Of Being Wanted

It's official - I'm no longer unemployed! After finishing my first week freelancing in San Francisco, I am exhausted, but encouraged. It's nice to spend my days outside the apartment, talking to humans again. Cleo doesn't seem to be enjoying it much - she's been acting out all week for (God forbid) changing her usual dinner time. (I tried telling her that I have to work to pay for that dinner, but then I caught myself meowing at my cat. If I don't stop doing that, I really will die alone.)

My ridiculous pet-parent guilt trips aside, the new gig is going pretty well so far. Everyone has been very nice and it's great to spend a little time in the city. I thought working in the sixth-largest television market in the country would be intimidating. I suppose it is, in the sense that I'm still familiarizing myself with the area and the station itself. But I also felt something I didn't expect this week - something surprising and satisfying - I felt wanted.

Let's face it - we all want to be wanted. Whether it's by family, friends, a romantic interest or colleagues, we all have a desire, even a need, to feel significant. There's no shame in this - it's simply human nature. And when it comes to my past career and my ongoing job search, I haven't felt wanted at all lately.

I've been on a handful of interviews for jobs I ultimately didn't get. It's disappointing, but not the end of the world - I knew that would be part of the process. But what has disappointed me - no, offended me - even more are the number of potential employers who didn't even have the decency to let me know I didn't get the job. People who left me hanging, hoping I'd take the hint and move on. I dated a couple of guys who did that - grown men who didn't have the cojones to be honest with me and took the cowardly way out. I never thought I'd experience the same thing in a professional setting, but sadly, disrespect is universal. Talk about feeling unwanted.

I don't buy the "I'm too busy" excuse. Who isn't busy? If a lawmaker found the time to call me personally while sitting on multiple committees AND running a major campaign for higher office, you can at least have the courtesy to send me an e-mail that takes less than five minutes to write. Besides, you know what they say about excuses... 

I should note - not everyone has been so disappointing. In fact, I've met many potential employers and networking contacts who have been nothing but helpful, supportive and encouraging. Those are the people who keep me from giving up on my dream of finding a new career that I will love. To all of you (you know who you are) - thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

It's not just my job hunt that's left me feeling insignificant lately. The company I worked for for the past seven years did the same. The people I worked with every day made it clear they valued my work (something for which I will forever be grateful), but the company made it clear they didn't value me at all. I don't feel the need to get into the details here, but suffice it to say that I was literally laughed at when I stood up for myself and what I was really worth. Ouch.

Not surprisingly, I left the business jaded and bitter, with no desire to continue doing a job I once loved. But after a month of networking, job interviews that went nowhere and seemingly endless conversations with the cat, I needed a source of income again. So I went back to the thing I was familiar with - writing and producing the news.

Would working in a newsroom again bring all that bitterness back to the surface? Or would a new station allow me to fall in love with producing again? To be honest, I didn't know what to expect. But I sure as hell wasn't expecting what I got this week.

At the end of my second day on the job, a manager pulled me aside to tell me how well I was doing. To tell me that several other managers and producers were already talking about how good I am and how excited they are to have me. Imagine that - the new kid being told she's valued already. Well, color me surprised! The next day, a producer thanked me for my help and told me I'm "a keeper." And on the last day of my first week of work, the manager who hired me pulled me aside again. He said, "You're doing really well. I know you're trying to get out of TV and for your sake, I hope you find a job soon. But it's really great to have you here and I hope we get to work with you for a while." Nope. Not what I expected at all.

The thought of falling in love with producing again both scares and excites me. Scares me because even if I do enjoy it again, it's not the lifestyle I want for myself. And I'm afraid of getting sucked back into it. But it also excites me, because when I do leave the business (which is still my ultimate goal), it would be on better terms this time. I want my last memories of working in a newsroom to be positive ones. I left my job in Sacramento with nothing but love for my colleagues, and nothing but bitterness for the the job itself.

I'm hoping the weeks ahead will restore my faith in local news, so I can leave it peacefully in my past. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to my new job. I have to admit - it's really, really, really  nice to feel wanted again.

My new favorite spot in San Francisco - just a couple of blocks from work.
Not a bad place for a lunch break, right?