Family of Tourists: Mom, Dad and 3-5 kids under the age of 12. Dad is wearing a baseball cap with his shirt tucked into his jeans (and if I'm very lucky, he still thinks it's 1990 and is also sporting a fanny pack). He's trying to navigate the group to its next destination. Mom is carrying a giant bag with everyone's spare sweatshirt in it. It probably weighs more than a small child. She's telling the kids (who are running, yelling, touching things they shouldn't and generally causing mayhem) to "stay where I can see you" while trying to herd them in the general direction indicated by Dad. As someone who has spent a lot of time babysitting/nannying/working with kids, there is a part of me that empathizes with her. That realizes I never gave my mom enough credit for wrangling my brother, sister and I for all those years. And then there's a part of me that looks at this family and thinks, "That right there...is the most effective form of birth control ever."
Guy & His Dog: This is particularly prevalent at the park. You can tell the dog really had to "go" when Guy got home because he hasn't even changed out of his work clothes. Sometimes he's got his phone out and his earbuds in, projecting a "don't-talk-to-me-even-if-you-think-my-dog-is-cute" kind of attitude. Other times, you can tell one of the primary reasons he even adopted the dog is to pick up women. For some reason, I take immense pleasure in watching this backfire. A couple of times, I've seen a guy chatting up a pretty girl. Things seem to be going well, but then Fido decides to ruin the moment. He does his business right then and there. Girl is grossed out and Guy is now awkwardly trying to save the conversation with a bag of poo in his hand. Makes me laugh every time.
Cat on a Leash: Even as a self-proclaimed "cat lady," I find this bizarre. Fortunately, I've only seen it once or twice. There's a couple that takes their kitten to the park where I often take my dinner break, and lets her run around on a leash. I suppose it's a good way to get her some fresh air and exercise without worrying about letting her loose in a bustling city. But it still weirds me out. I'm of the mindset that you should either let your cat roam free outside or do what I do - keep her inside where she stays safe but runs into windows trying to chase the birds outside.
Old Asian Men: On the pier, they're wearing bucket hats and windbreakers as they cast their fishing poles into the Bay. Anywhere else, they sit on a bench, watching the world go by. But no matter where they are, one thing is always the same - they never seem to speak to each other! What is this all about?!? I don't get it. I can't figure out why you would spend time with people in complete silence. I'm sure it's a cultural thing I don't understand. Or maybe I just talk too much and should take a cue from these men. They may be sitting in silence, but they seem pretty content.
Skateboarding Kids: Am I the only one who finds skateboarders annoying and/or obnoxious? They always manage to find a busy, crowded place to try and show off where the rest of us are just trying to sit quietly or walk down the street. But nine times out of ten, they don't land their ill-planned stunt and just wind up eating dirt while their skateboard almost takes someone out. It's not cool. It's not impressive. It just turns me into a crotchety old woman and makes me want to yell, "enough of those shenanigans, you little hooligans!" Seriously though - kids on skateboards instantly turn me into Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace. I can't explain it.
Workout Girl: She's tall, lean and in perfect shape. She's at the end of a run and looks down at her watch as she gracefully glides to a stop. She inevitably chooses a spot in my line of sight to stretch the legs I would kill to have while I inevitably begin to feel guilty about whatever food I'm shoving in my face. There's a part of me that's furiously jealous. Not of her figure - I'm built differently and could have a rockin' body too if I could discipline myself better. Nope, that's not it. I'm jealous because she just finished working out and she isn't sweaty at all. And her hair is perfect - not a strand out of place. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?! When I run, I'm a bright red, sweaty mess - it's kind of terrifying. I'm pretty sure post-workout-me frightens small children. I've decided this woman is either a mutant with no sweat glands or she's just faking it and only ran a couple blocks before cruising into position to make the rest of us feel bad about ourselves. Jerk.
The New Couple: You can tell the relationship is still new - they're completely wrapped up in each other and probably wouldn't believe it if you told one the other has flaws. They walk, hand-in-hand. Every six steps or so, they stop, gaze into each other's eyes and kiss. No, suck face is more like it. I watched a couple in the park the other day. They made out for 30+ minutes, oblivious to everyone else.
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| Look closely and you can see them. Looks like a scene right out of a Rom Com, right? Sheesh. |
Part of me thought it was a bit too much. Call me old-fashioned, but while I'm all for a little G-rated PDA, I believe a full game of tonsil hockey should be reserved for a more private setting. Part of me envied them - who doesn't want to feel that way about someone? And part of me was just plain impressed - in 30 minutes, I'm pretty sure they only came up for air twice.
Men in Suits: My favorite stereotype in the city, by far. My new job is in downtown San Francisco, right on the edge of the Financial District. Everywhere I look, there are men in suits. They carry cups of coffee, messenger bags and (in my dreams) me, when I become overwhelmed with all that yumminess and faint on the sidewalk. Because ladies, let's face it: ain't nothing sexier than a smart, good-looking man in a well-tailored suit. AmIRight? Can I get an "Amen?"
Girl on Bench: She's in her own little world. Minding her own business while she munches on a sandwich or drinks a soda. If her head isn't buried in her phone checking Facebook and Instagram, she's just watching everyone else. She's not really interested in making small-talk, so she rarely looks anyone in the eye. Maybe she's rolling her eyes at those skateboarders. Maybe her earbuds are in, playing music to drown out the noise from that family of tourists. Maybe she's trying not to laugh out loud, when that guy's dog takes a dump in front of that pretty girl he's trying to flirt with. Maybe she's trying to figure out how much it would cost to have the same surgery that runner did to remove her sweat glands. Maybe she's too quick to pass judgement. Maybe she needs to get a life. Maybe she's me.
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