Playing the Packing Game: Keep, Toss or Donate

Remember that time I was unemployed and discovered my inner hoarder while cleaning out my kitchen? Well, apparently she's still in there somewhere, as I've discovered the hard way over the past several weeks.

After nearly five years of spectacular sunsets and less-than-spectacular neighbors, I'm finally moving to a new apartment. Long story short, my downstairs neighbors are inconsiderate assholes, my next door neighbors are obnoxious douchebags and management doesn't give a damn as long as they can hike the rent by $100+ every year. So I found a great place in a much safer neighborhood and next weekend, I'll be quite literally moving to the other side of the river to become an official Sacramento resident.

The new apartment complex. 

I haven't moved in five years. That's the longest I've stayed in one place as an adult. And it's been glorious. But it's time for a change and I'm ready to move out and move on. Except now I have to pack everything. Which means going through it all first. And here's the thing: I am actually the world's worst packer. No joke. Ask my mom. I'm never ready, come moving day (also partly due to the fact that I'm the goddamn WORLD CHAMPION of procrastination). It's so bad, she's actually flying out to California during her school vacation to make sure I have my shit together. Mostly to spend time together, but also because she knows me better than anyone else and how to light a fire under my ass. In an effort to prove her wrong (and to prove to myself that I'm better at adulting than I give myself credit for), I started packing early. I feel like I've made pretty good progress too! But maaaan, the things that I've found. More specifically, the things that I've moved from New Hampshire to Maine to New York to California with and kept.

The closet in my spare room

I decided to start by going through and packing up my spare room. I knew it would be the biggest task and it's the room that's become my "dumping ground" over the years. Where I put stuff I rarely, if ever, need or use. There were several boxes in the closet that I hadn't even opened since I moved in. (And now, in packing hindsight, I realize I probably haven't opened some of them since I moved out of my parents' house nine years ago.) I began digging through the boxes, deciding whether to keep, toss or donate each thing I found.

 Are you ready for this? Because I sure wasn't.

A box of 100+ crayons that I was clearly worried about losing when I was 9 years old. Also, some pretty nice handwriting for a 4th grader, if I do say so myself!
Final decision: Toss

A box of everything I pulled off my bulletin board in my childhood bedroom when I moved out of my parents' house after college. Among other things, a necklace my brother brought me from a trip to Jamaica, a picture of my friends and I from a high school swim meet and my Red Cross Babysitting certification card that I earned at the ripe old age of 12.
Final decision: Toss/donate

A comic a friend gave me in high school due to my infatuation with Ricky Martin. (No judging! He looked better in leather pants than you ever will.) This lived inside my locker for many years, hence the scotch tape lamination.
Final decision: Toss

Maps from the cities where I lived/worked, courtesy of my dad. Because remember back when we had to get to/from new places without that annoying GPS lady barking at us from our phones? Yes children, paper maps were a thing once.
Final decision: Toss

Various attempts to make sure there was absolutely no confusion as which room was mine, both at home and in my sorority house in college. Not entirely sure why I kept these. Perhaps I was worried I might lose track of which room I slept in...in MY OWN APARTMENT? Christ, Amy.
Final decision: Toss

The letter that held my Wegmans Shoppers Club card when it first arrived. If you're familiar with Wegmans, you know why this is special. If you're not familiar with Wegmans, get your ass to upstate New York. Pronto. Because if anyone's actually going to "Make America Great Again," it's these magnificent humans.
Final decision: Toss 

One of two bead boxes

Just a few of about two dozen packets of sequins

Some friendship bracelets and a
gimp keychain, all unfinished

A mobile I made out of plastic canvas,
yarn, fishing line and some beads

My favorite find? Definitely my childhood craft box. Arts & Crafts was my JAM as a kid. I spent more Sundays than I can remember with my best friend up to our elbows in beads, yarn, glue, fabric, paint and whatever else we could get our hands on. Why I thought I'd need those unfinished friendship bracelets or a mobile as a grown-ass woman, I'll never know.
Final decision: Toss the stuff that wasn't usable/damaged. Keep a few things. Give most of it to a friend with two little girls who will enjoy it.

Cleo definitely knows something is up. I'm not so sure about Calliope. But they're both pretty stoked to have all the makings of the best cat fort ever, so that's a win.
Final decision: Use the boxes. Keep the cats. At least until they start acting like assholes.

A few of several failed attempts to lose weight by counting calories/points. Yeeeaaaaah, nope. After my Whole 30 experience, I won't be doing this again. Ever.
Final decision: Toss. Burn if I could find a way to disable the smoke detectors.

All of my old license plates. Including my vanity plates from NH. Because I was a teenager and thought I was sooo cool. Newsflash: I wasn't. I was actually a huge nerd. Also, those New York plates? A little piece of my soul died when I put them on my car. I mean, I am a Boston/New England sports fan after all.
Final decision: Keep, for now. (Thinking about using them for a project. We'll see.)

This used to be a resistance band. I honestly don't know at what point it melted back into a puddle of purple, but my guess would be on the trip from Plattsburgh to West Sac. Gross.
Final decision: Toss (duh)

Equipment from my J-school days. My first (and only) IFB for when I was still young and delusional enough to think I wanted to be on-air. And my tape recorder to record about a dozen, probably poorly-executed interviews for radio/other classes.
Final decision: Toss the IFB. Donate the tape recorder/mic.

An empty box that once held an internet modem I no longer use and a bag from the Jelly Belly factory tour I went on with my mom 5 years ago. Because, you know. You never know when you might need... Nope, I can't do it. I can't even make the joke. For fuck's sake, Amy. WHO NEATLY FOLDS UP A PLASTIC BAG, TUCKS IT IN A DRAWER AND THINKS, "GEE, I'M SURE I'LL FIND A GREAT WAY TO USE THIS IN THE FUTURE?" Me, apparently. That's who. If you need me later, I'll be suffocating myself with the Jelly Belly bag. (Not really, but good lord.)
Final decision: Toss, then schedule intervention with local anti-hoarding support group

This is a fun, yet slightly depressing one. If you know me at all, you know I'm pop-culturally challenged. My answer to "Have you ever seen __" is No, 99% of the time. It's bad. When I was working in Plattsburgh, my coworkers started making me lists of their favorite movies - the ones I needed to watch. Wanna guess how many I've seen, 5+ years later? No, you don't. Trust me.
Final decision: Toss

I can't say I was surprised to find a bunch of old cell phones. I was, however, pleasantly surprised to find one of them still worked. And it was full of pictures of our old family cats, Gus and Rosie. They were the best cats ever. I miss them.
Final decision: Keep photos, toss (recycle) old phones

So long, old friend. It's been a fun run. But it's time for the VCR to retire. I hope the folks at Goodwill find you a nice home with a nice family who can "Be Kind and Rewind."
Final decision: Donate, along with about a dozen VHS movies

Eight floppy disks from high school and college. When I tore them apart to keep the homeless people who dive in the dumpster from stealing my personal information (Joke's on you, identity thief! #NoMoneyNoProblems), I discovered that the little disc inside is in fact, floppy! Who knew??

Also, this happened when I started to Google "how to destroy floppy disks":

Really, internet?! Really? Chill out, people.
Final decision: Destroy (floppy disks, not "angels"), then toss

This is totally normal, right?

So I have never really considered myself a "shoe person." I generally want my feet to be presentable, but otherwise, I care more about comfort than style. Or so I thought until I pulled enough shoes out of the closet to completely cover my queen bed. Got rid of quite a few "cute" pairs and kept my ratty old Tom's and flip flops. Because, again, Comfort > Style. Always. (Unless you're buying me a nice dinner. Then heels. Because I'll do just about anything for food. Like wearing heels.)
Final decision: Keep half, Toss/Donate the rest

My very first mixtape. My mom made it for me - my favorite songs to sing along to when we were in the car together. Pretty much sums up my childhood, music-wise: Disney, musicals, 80s piano crooners and a splash of classic rock. Now, I'm just kicking myself for donating that cassette recorder before I found this. Dammit!
Final decision: Keep. No question. Even if I don't have a cassette player anymore.

These are just a handful of the more interesting items I've come across while packing. There was a lot more than this. I've already made multiple trips to Goodwill and probably thrown out enough stuff to fill a dumpster. And with moving day less than a week away, I've reached several conclusions: 

1. With this much crap to go through, I'm never going to prove my mom wrong by the time she gets here on Thursday.
2. If anyone needs a plastic bag, I've got you covered. 
3. I'm a hell of a lot closer to becoming a crazy, hoarding cat lady than I thought. 
4. There are no skeletons in my closet. Just the shattered remnants of my self-respect.

I won't miss my shitty neighbors, but I sure will miss this view.