Losing Faith

I am a woman. And a die-hard football fan. That FOMOF commercial last year with the woman stuck at a baby shower on a Sunday? Yep, that’s me.



Every year, from February to September, I wait anxiously for my favorite time of year. The time when my friends and I spend every Sunday (and the occasional Monday or Thursday night) watching football. I wear my jersey every game day – I even coordinate my home/away jerseys with whatever my beloved Patriots are wearing on the field. Once it gets cold enough, I bust out my throwback beanie and my fuzzy team socks.  And whenever I’m watching at home, my beer wears its team gear too.

It’s a weekly ritual of sorts: trash talk with friends, good beer, greasy food and acting like we know better than head coaches and offensive/defensive coordinators who get paid millions to do what they do. At the end of the day, we talk a big game, but it’s the game itself that we love. A shared passion for a sport that’s action-packed and exciting. For me, football is like a religion. And this week, I’m having a crisis of faith.

By now, you know what happened with the whole Ray Rice debacle. If you don’t, crawl out from under that rock and Google it. I’m not going to analyze what the newest video does or doesn’t show – I wasn’t inside that elevator and I’m no psychologist. I won’t presume to know what personal demons Rice or his wife have battled. But there are two things I do know. First, that harming another human being (physically or emotionally… man, woman or child) is NEVER acceptable. No exceptions. Second, that the NFL – and its leader in particular – screwed up. Big time.

According to USA Today’s NFL Arrests Database (yes, this is a thing and its very existence should raise all kinds of questions, but let’s not get into that now), there have been 82 documented Domestic Violence incidents involving NFL players since 2000. All but four of those ended in the arrest of an NFL player. More than half of those incidents were under Roger Goodell’s watch. It’s not clear how many of these cases were (or were not) ultimately resolved. What is clear is that in the cases that have been closed, dozens of players got off with a slap on the wrist – a single-game suspension, court-ordered anger management, community service and the oh-so-popular pretrial Diversion Program. Only eight NFL players charged with Domestic Violence (including Ray Rice) were cut or released by their team. What’s even more interesting (or disturbing, in my opinion) is the number of players dropped within days – sometimes hours – of their arrests on drug- or alcohol-related charges. I count at least 20.

So the NFL has a zero-tolerance policy for substance abuse, but when it comes to actually abusing other human beings, they’ll throw you in therapy, ask you to donate a marginal percentage of your obscene salary to an organization for battered women, let you call the shots from the sideline for a week or two and then call it even. Stay classy, gentlemen, stay classy.

I know statistics can be manipulated to back up almost any argument, and there’s probably a lot more to that arrest data than I could ever wrap my mind around (mostly because I hate doing math). But one thing is crystal clear: the NFL has a track record of hypocrisy and upholds a culture of condoning behavior that any decent human being would consider unacceptable.

Yes, the League just announced harsher punishments for future domestic violence incidents involving players or other employees. But it's too little too late. Mr. Commissioner, you stand at your podium, telling us all how sorry you are, how you screwed up. But then you tell us you’re being proactive now, to prevent future abuse. It doesn’t matter how your PR people try to spin it, the reality is this: there is nothing proactive about what you’re doing. It is entirely reactive – a response to a video leaked by a celebrity gossip site. If TMZ had never released either video of what happened in Atlantic City, would we be having this discussion at all? Would you have even thought about changing the league’s domestic violence policy? In all fairness, we as fans are also reacting to that video. Most of us are calling for change in response to it, not out of some altruistic need to stand up for other women. But it’s not our job to enforce a code of conduct within the NFL – it’s yours.

Roger Goodell, you are a husband. A son. A father to two daughters. A role model for the thousands of men and women employed by the NFL. You should know better. What happens if, God forbid, one of your daughters ever finds herself in an abusive relationship? Would you step in as soon as you saw the signs? Or would you turn a blind eye and wait for him to sucker-punch her on surveillance video before you said something?

Based on my research, roughly 46% of NFL fans are women. I am one of them. Yesterday, I planned on watching the first Monday Night Football of the season. My fantasy team had a lot at stake. But even as a devoted fan, I couldn’t bring myself to turn on the TV. I couldn’t watch because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing an NFL ad targeting women, the very demographic it’s failed so badly. I couldn’t watch another Play 60 promotion, the NFL patting itself on the back for setting a good example with children, when the only examples it’s set lately are ones of willful ignorance and defensive posturing. I couldn’t watch my beloved football because for the first time in my life, I felt guilty about it.

I don’t know how I’ll feel this Thursday or next Sunday. In truth, I probably will put on my jersey, drink beer with friends and resume our weekly ritual of screaming obscenities at oversized television screens. Because at the end of the day, I don’t believe every NFL player is an abusive misogynist. I do think the vast majority of the guys out there are decent people - loving fathers, sons, husbands and brothers. But I also know that my feelings about football likely will change if things don’t change within the NFL soon. And that has to start at the top. So Mr. Commissioner, I’m asking you, on behalf of all your female fans, please don’t let us down. Because if the NFL doesn’t enact effective, proactive measures to fight its own culture of condoning abhorrent behavior, I will lose my faith in football. And I won’t be alone.