Verbalizing The Voice In My Head

"What do I want to eat?"

"I need more coffee."

"Time to be productive!"

"I have to pee...again."

"Where did I put my chapstick?"

"I should really vacuum."

"Why isn't anything I want to watch available for instant streaming on Netflix?"

"I need to finish that job application TODAY."

"Huh. It's 6pm and I'm still in my jammies. Oh well. No point in getting dressed now."

"Why isn't there any chocolate in this apartment?!? Oh yah - because I don't buy it so I can't eat it. Dammit."

These are just a few examples of the things I say to myself every day. Yes, out loud. Because when you live alone, have no job and can't go out and spend money, you do one of two things all day: talk to yourself or talk to the cat. I'll be honest with you - 3½ weeks of unemployment is starting to take its toll. You thought I was a (little bit) crazy before? Well, you don't know the half of it.

For the past three years, I spent nine hours a day, five days a week with incredibly smart, funny people. They kept me on my toes, challenged me intellectually and made me laugh all day long. And I'm starting to really miss that. I consider myself equal parts homebody and people-person. The homebody part of me has had more than enough downtime on the couch recently. The people person is craving human interaction.

I spend a good deal of my time now, just staring at my phone, willing it to ring. I don't even care who's on the other end. It could be a telemarketer and I'd probably play mind games with them, just to hear something other than my cat or my iTunes playlist for a few minutes. You know what I did the other day? I got an automated call from Target to tell me my birth control was ready to be picked up (Suck it, SCOTUS!), and I let the message play all the way through to the end. Seriously. Just to hear another voice. Even though I think it was a robot voice. Yup. That happened.

Fortunately, when the phone rings, it's usually a friend or my little brother, calling to make sure Cleo hasn't eaten my face off (don't worry, she won't - she prefers to chew on my fingers). Of course, it's never a potential employer calling me to follow-up after an interview, because apparently, the thing to do these days is to just leave prospective employees hanging until they get the hint. Classy, right? (More on this in a future post.)

When I'm not watching my phone or the god-awful things that air on daytime television, I'm watching social media. I scour my Twitter and Facebook feeds, looking for anything that will make me laugh or feel connected to the outside world. Seriously - it legitimately makes my day when one of my (too) many Facebook posts produces an exchange of witty banter in the comments section. I so wish I was kidding, but alas, c'est vrai.

I've started going on long walks in different parts of town. Partly to get up and get moving and partly just to get out of my apartment. But when I'm not walking around or watching my phone or seeking human connection on the internet (that makes me sound like such a creeper!), I spend most of my time doing one thing: talking out loud.

"Should I turn on the air conditioning? Nah, it's not that hot yet."

"Why isn't my cold water cold?!? The faucet should have an L on it for 'lukewarm.'"

"I should really do some laundry - I'm running out of sweatpants."

"♫ Show me the meaning of being lonely. // Is this the feeling I need to walk with? ♫  Yep. Brian was definitely the hot one. And I am so going to die alone."

"Does football season start soon? I miss football."

"What horribly-written-yet-thoroughly-enjoyable, trashy romance novel can I download on my Kindle for less than $3?"

"I just went for a 3-mile walk. I think I earned myself a beer."

"I just submitted a job application. I'm going to treat myself to a cold one."

"I just cleaned my bathroom. I definitely need a drink now."

"The U.S. is playing in the World Cup. Yup - time for beer. So what if it's 9am? No one's here to judge me."

Cheers!